And I'm Walking Out The Door(But I'm Stopping Short)
by WickedFan97
Summary: 'And the cab driver looks impatient and her missing passport is finally in her hand. But she just can't seem to shake that she's doing something that she will undeniably regret if she takes the next flight back.' Piper stops for a moment and truly thinks about the damage her actions will cause. Pre-Litchfield. A 'what if' scenario for the curious soul. P/A


**Author's Note: **I have so many stories to work on and I just can't seem to stay away from my new obsession. Really, this is kind of bullshit you guys.

_Synopsis: 'And the cab driver looks impatient and her missing passport is finally in her hand. But she just can't seem to shake that she's doing something that she will undeniably regret if she takes the next flight back.' Piper stops for a moment and truly thinks about the damage her actions will cause. Pre-Litchfield. A 'what if' scenario for the curious soul. _

Pairings: Piper/Alex, Polly/Awesomeness

_Copyrights: _I do not own the book. That is Piper Kerman. I did not create or have anything to do with the television series. That would be Jenji Kohan and that wonderful staff.

Constructive criticisms welcome.

R&R, please.

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_The honk was blaringly loud and she immediately was torn between covering her ears or letting it collide with the already pounding static in her bloodstream._

It didn't even really look like a cab.

She knew that was something beyond ignorant for her to mention, but she was used to the old-fashioned yellow cabs around her campus corner.

And the New York cabs that were yellow and black; they were easily the most awful drivers she had come across in her entire life, but her parents had given a little chuckle and nudged her. She had only been there twice in her whole life, despite living in the North East region of America her entire life. The first time had been with her parents while she had still been in high school for a family vacation. The other had been with Alex, when they had a free four days that her girlfriend didn't have to smuggle heroin anywhere. She mentioned that she had loved New York and then the next thing she knew there were tickets in Alex's hands.

She didn't know why the hell she was on this odd train of thought.

Because her suitcase was in one hand and her passport was in the other.

Her jaw clenches and she turns around to face her past for one final time, taking in the grand structure of the town home that they had been frequenting the past two weeks. It was a beautifully grand structure, with arches along the grand doorways and old-fashioned balconies with the perfect view of the bustling streets below.

It was a spectacular off-white structure, with the pointed gates surrounding it almost like it was a royal getaway. It made her breath hitch in her throat the first time she had ever layed eyes on it. And now her breath was hitching for an entire different reason and there were hot tears welling into her eyes and making her throat feel a little like sand-paper. All of this was overwhelmingly gorgeous and it made her want to curl into a ball and sniffle at the life she was about to leave; abandon would be the appropriate term, more like.

"Lady, you need'a ride to ze airport or not?"

The heavily accented voice made her nostrils flare and a faint irritation welled up inside of her.

"Just-just give me a second, alright?"

Her breaths were coming out shakily from her chest and it felt like her ribcage was rattling with the disruption of calm. She knew the ache in her chest was complete heart-break, but she just honestly couldn't do any of this anymore. She couldn't put her life on the line for something that she didn't even really need. Did she need Alex? Yes, and she probably always would. Did she need all the pampered trips around the world and all the money she could ever hope for? No, she honestly didn't.

She was such a selfish bitch sometimes; she knew exactly what she had been getting into and yet she progressed naively.

_Polly just looked at her skeptically over her glass of Pinot Noir._

_"What?" Her question is slightly defensive. "I do love her."_

_Her shorter friend just sighed a placed her glass down on the coffee table, shifting her body closer so that she could look her best friend directly in the eye. For once there wasn't any sarcasm on her best friend's face, and that was a suprise in itself; Polly practically went to sleep with sarcasm attached to her lips, just waiting to awake with a perfect quip._

_Her best friend's brown eyes were boring into her own, searching for a lie without pause. It made her throat close up slightly at how good of a friend Polly really was, because she was almost able to read her like no other. The exception was Alex, of course. But the two didn't interact much and so there was a little bit of tension whenever Piper brought her best friend to come around and hang out. She always rolled her eyes and asked if it was a drug deal, and that's the closest thing she had ever gotten to a blessing._

_"Honey -," she begins, grasping Piper's hands gently, " - Are you really in love with Alex, or are you in love with the places she takes you and the things she buys?"_

_Piper's expression darkens immediately, because she felt as if there was an incredible poignant target on her head right about now and she honestly didn't want an argument. This was almost a back-and-forth debate between the two, and it was starting to get a little bit exhausting. It stressed her out when Alex was stressed out, and she questioned herself when Polly started questioning her affections. She was already so overloaded with everything else that sometimes she just snaps at her before any honest talk can even take place._

_"I do love Alex," she breathes, and her voice is suprisingly strong. "And I'm honestly tired of people questioning our feelings for each other."_

_Polly looks slightly queasy but nods for her to go on._

_"We've been together for two years now. And I'm just as taken with her as I was when we first met."_

_Her best friend finally looks like she believes her for once, and she lets go of Piper's hands and sinks back against their expensive leather couch. She seems more relaxed, like maybe she was finally getting a proper grasp on just how much Piper feels for her girlfriend. Because Piper had always been just a little bit unpredictable and wild when it came to the dating game, so sometimes it was still shocking to see her happy with a single person. Maybe that's why Polly always questioned her devotion to Alex, because she had never seen it from the taller blonde before._

_Polly opens her mouth, but she pauses; she looks astoundingly hesitant and it instantly makes the taller woman's guard go up._

_"But -," she sighs, taking a deep breath. "But if Alex ever asked you to transport stuff again, would you?"_

_A rush of unsettling emotions tears through the blonde, and she painfully fails at coming up with a defensive response. It was supposed to be a completely non-hesitant answer, in defense of Alex and the promise that she would never ask Piper to do that again. And she believed her, with her apologetic eyes and the gratefulness that Piper and the suitcase had made it through alright._

_"She wouldnt," she struggles, her voice slightly edgy. "She wouldn't ask me to do that again."_

_She sees the disbelief flash across Polly's face before the shorter girl manages to turn her head to the side. But Polly stays silent and then drains her wine in one single gulp, carefully putting her wine glass back on the table in a suprisingly careful manner. She had always been rather reckless in her movements - which was sometimes exaggerated to annoy the shit out of Alex - and she would break things left and right. But right now she was light and hesitant, like a reluctant little feather that was beginning to float in the sky._

_Christ, Polly must be pretty drunk._

_"I'm not trying to piss you off," her soft admission breaks the silence._

_It works, because Piper glances her way softly._

_"I just want you to think about something," she hums. "If you had to help Alex again, or something was happening and you both would lose everything -"_

_Fear strikes deep into her heart massively; an incoming train crashing into an abandoned car on the railroad track. The pieces splintering and shattering and the slow burning fire of the inevitable wreck blossoming deep within the confines of her soul. She feels like she can't breathe at the very thought of something happening to the both of them. And Polly must immediately sense her impending panic attack, because she throws her hands up in surrender and she instantly scoots over to comfort her friend._

_"I'm not saying that it will happen," she whispers soothingly. " Just think on if you would stick around if the going got tough. Alex at least deserves your honesty -"_

_Piper laughs brokenly, deftly wiping her tears with her sweater._

_" - No matter how much I don't like the asshole. Speaking of which, I saw Jamie today and she looked like a sad clown hooker -"_

_Piper continues laughing, torn between a drunken meltdown and laughing hysterically at Polly's story._

_And that was that._

She snaps her head back as the memory fades into the background of her mind once more; she wants to sob, and in a completely hysterical manner. A full on session with her nose running, her eyes a furious looking red, and an entire box of tissues a waste at the side of her bed. She wants to cry for herself and for Alex. She wants to cry at the accuracy of Polly's prediction and the almost spot-on call of how she would react if the going got tough. But most of all, she wanted to fucking _throw _things.

She wanted to shatter any object that was around her; violently throw an object through someone's car window and watch as they crash.

Because then they would fucking be doing what she was doing; crashing and burning and feeling completely hopeless and shattered. Every part of her blood was boiling and it was taking all of her willpower not to turn around and vomit on the sidewalk that she was still standing on. She can feel the sweat begin to build and she has to battle the nausea that sends chills throughout her entire body.

She's leaving Alex.

Maybe you didn't completely grasp the earth-shattering concept; she was _leaving _Alex.

_"Fuck!"_

A hot tear slides down her face and betrays her; she can feel it coming, the inevitable free-fall ending. Her nose was flaring and her throat was rhythmically expanding and shrinking; back and forth and back and forth. God, she couldn't have a fucking breakdown right here, where everyone could just view with a fucked up sense of humor because a crazy lady was having a breakdown. Her breath was hitching desperately at the effort to fight the onslaught; she wanted to drop to the ground and fucking goddamn if she didn't want to bang her head irreparably against the closest damaging object.

Her and Alex had been together for _three-and-a-half_ fucking years.

They had made love on the beaches of Hawaii. They had seen the wonderous offerings of Rome and the completely beautiful romanticism of Italy. They had explored and loved and hated and suffered and they had been everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. They had travelled around the world and they were still just getting started. Something was ending before its time and it was making her shatter from the inside out. They were seperating and for the first time in her entire life she was just losing her mind over someone that she was leaving.

They _love_ each other.

And when you were with the one you love, you accepted their flaws and all of their short-comings.

Alex was a fucking drug-dealer. Piper was a college graduate with the world at her feet but was selfishly content with being a haul-around with no effort on her part. Alex was a flirtacious little twat and the girls always came flocking to her almost wherever they went; the drug-mules she had didn't seem to grasp their relationship, either. Piper seemed to be an asshole magnet and complete douchebag would come up and hit on her, which would lead to a possessive - and later, ranting about fucking bisexuals - Alex. Alex would hog the covers at night and snore like a goddamn banshee being slaughtered. Piper gets cold far too easily and would turn up the temperature to a toasty degree and leave a thoroughly sweaty and pissed off girlfriend.

God, she fucking hated Alex sometimes; most of the time, if she were accurate.

The tall, cocky-ass shit.

But she _loved _her.

And fuck it all if she was just going to walk out on her right now. She was practically trembling at the thought of leaving the woman and she was having a mental breakdown. If that wasn't a sign, than she honestly didn't know what was. So she would man up and endure Alex's wrath if she had to, because she wasn't going to abandon her now.

Her mother, whom she was extremely close to, just died.

And she was obviously in a deal that was far over her head. She was _drowning _and desperate and she would have to be completely dense if she didn't notice the darkened circles under her girlfriend eyes. She had been making more calls than usual and sounding completely desperate. She didn't like it at all, that her girlfriend bit off more than she could chew, but she sure as hell wasn't going to leave now.

So she did it.

She released a deep breath and turned around to face the cab driver with an apologetic expression, watching as his face contorts in annoyment. He seemed to already know she was changing her mind and he gave her a grunt; this was followed by an eyeroll and a rude hand gesture being tossed her way. The tires screech with how fast he leaves her at the curb with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

Really, that was just _rude._

_/_

_She absorbs the sorrow from across the room because it is rightfully hers._

Her heart was already beginning to ache when she took note of Alex's appearance.

It had only been fifteen minutes since she gone storming out of here; it felt like days, months, possibly years. Like she had already been gone far too long and she had a lot of making up to do. She immediately wants to smack herself for being a complete sap, but she stops. She was never one of the girls to fawn over something like romance, but right now she was rehearsing one of the most romantic poems she's ever known in her head and she's actually quite alright with it. Motivated, you could even say.

Her footsteps had been light and gentle, not wanting to startle the taller girl.

But she looks more lost than Piper's ever seen her.

Alex is in her own little world right now, and it doesn't honestly look like a beautiful place. Her eyes are beyond the teary-eyed red at this point, and she can see a few tear tracks on her porcelain skin. The skin on her bottom lip looks a little bit chapped, and she knew it was one of her habits to bite and tear at her lip when she's freaking out.

It's her movements that breaks her heart now.

She's slouched over in a sure sign of defeat; every part of her body seems to be moving on autopilot and she seems almost dead to the world. She's still folding up her clothes in her suitcase and gazing blankly at the bed; her eyes are roving over every wrinkle and every intricate little pattern, and it's like she's imagining their last encounter. It's like she's dreaming that Piper is still there and she never walked out the door and left her. And the blonde's heart shatters again because Alex just looks flat out _broken._

"I hope there's room for one more on the plane."

Alex freezes.

Her entire body goes completely rigid and she continues to stare at the bed, her eyes unmoving from the spot she had been staring at.

The blonde has always been observant, and she can see Alex's breathing pick up in speed, her chest beginning to rise and fall drastically. Her nostrils are flaring and the shirt she was just folding comes loose and falls into her suit case in an unorganized manner. Her head turns to face the front of the room slowly, almost like she's begging to herself not to be hearing things.

Their eyes meet and Piper releases a built up sigh.

Alex's eyes are more intense than she's ever seen them; they are raking fervently over her form. They are drilling holes into her entire being and filling them with her almost frightening passion for her. Her cheeks are on fire and she can feel a hint of arousal begin to shoot through her at the desperate want in Alex's eyes. She's looking at her like she's never seen her before, like she was the most beautiful thing she has ever laid eyes on. And Piper can feel every part of it and it makes her want to throw down her suitcase and just fucking _attack _her.

But Alex always was a stubborn jackass.

"What are you doing back here? You just fucking _left."_

Her voice sounds devastated on the last word, but now her eyes are furious and even a little confused, and she honestly doesn't blame the hesitance in allowing her back in. But she swallows every fear that arises within her; fear of getting caught, fear of living out a completely wild life with Alex, fear of never earning her parent's approval. She honestly doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. She had met Alex for a reason, and fuck if she didn't believe if it wasn't to help her just enjoy her life and seize everything in her palm and just cherish it.

"I'm here because I love you," she whispers.

Alex's tenses once more, and she can see the brief hurt that flickers across her face before she masks it entirely. She shakes her head slowly, like she can't honestly believe that Piper has coming walking back in, and she begins pacing back and forth like she were on a mission to work everything out in her fucked up mind.

"You -," she begins, sounding infuriated. " - You can't just fucking do that to me."

And Piper _loses _it.

There's a loud bang on the floor as the blonde's suitcase impacts harshly upon it. But she didn't care; she was far too gone because every quick little stride sent her whole body aflame and she was trembling with pent up _everything. _Alex was fucking hers and she was getting her back because without one another they both sucked even more than they already did. Her veins are alight and her hands are bursting as she grasps Alex's cheeks and _slams _her mouth against her own. It really couldn't even be constituted as a proper kiss.

They were so frenzied that they missed each other's lips some, their hot mouths and breaths hitting the corners and hitting their jawline. It's scrambling and frantic and absolutely necessary; Alex thrusts her tongue in her mouth in an extremely uncoordinated manner and Piper moans throatily, clumsily allowing their teeth to crash together as her tongue practically _molests _Alex's own. She does that little flicker and in her haze her knees almost give out before her, only being held up by Alex's arms wrapped painfully around her waist.

They were crushing her hipbones and making sure she was really there and fuck if it didn't feel like home.

Her fingers were pulling harshly through raven hair and she was pulling her even closer with everything she had. She could feel Alex breathing air into her mouth and into her _soul_, and her breasts were slammed painfully upon her own; it wasn't near enough. So she practically leaps and Alex grunts as she catches her; her slim legs are locking around powerful, but feminine hips and everything just releases out of her when she feels her back hit the wall painfully. Alex had almost tripped in her wild passion to get her there, and the stumble and throbbing in the back of her head was to show for it.

Really, it was the hottest pain she had ever felt and she was pretty sure there was a river at her feet.

Alex is kissing down her neck frantically and she mentally _hates _herself for having to put a stop to it - however brief and necessary it was.

"Baby," she rasps, and yanks at Alex's hair harshly to pull her up to eye-level.

And that was her axis moment; the ones she had read about and always scoffed at incessantly. The apparent moment that had the potential to put everything back on its right place. The moment where the world spun in a perfect circle because the axis was back on track and nothing could throw it back off again. She was making her choice in life, and if Alex went down and got caught by the law, she was going to be right by her side. It was reckless and a completely stupid decision to make out of the reason for love, but she was doing it.

Alex's darkened blue eyes are on her own, questioning, and her chest was heaving as she panting heavily.

"I'll go wherever you go," she manages out through shaky breaths. "If you need to go to _hellv_ille in the middle of the night for a shady deal, I'll be right there."

Tears are beginning to well and Piper grasps her face harder.

"If you need me dressed up and going to Istanbul for the day, I'll do it."

Alex is breathing harder than she's ever heard her breathe before. There are tears welling in her eyes but she has always tried to refrain from crying in front of the blonde. It always angered her that the brunette could bottle up her emotions like that and just never release them. But she was looking directly at her and for the first time she could see how much of a struggle it was for Alex to completely stop herself from breaking down. It seemed like she was the one determined to stay strong for the two of them and it made a tremendous amount of respect well within her.

Alex's face was buried in her neck now, just taking everything about her in; her arousal and her words of devotion towards her. It was overwhelming and Piper felt like something monumental was happening, like this sealed the deal for her being Alex's woman for a very long time. She would not think of marriage or kids or a white-picket fenced house, but she could think of them finally settling somewhere. And it was a wonderful feeling, to know that they were the real deal and that her girlfriend seemed to feel the exact same way - probably always had.

"And if you get caught smuggling all that heroin -," Alex's head raises in hesitance and wonder " - Then I'm going to prison with you, baby."

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:)


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